I am a Masochist for Your Love
Your presence is like a barbed wire around my neck, the more I try to liberate myself from the thought of you the deeper the wire cuts into my neck. I feel it piercing throw my windpipe and every night I end up on the cold hard ground trying to gasp for air that you stole from me.
I’m unsure if it’s you or the pain that you put me through that I’m addicted to. After all, the melancholy residing inside my head and the tragically graceful scars carved on my skin have become my identity. What will remain of me if one day I decide to let go of you? Let go of the hurt, pain and suffering you put me through?
Maybe, I’m just afraid of change. Maybe, I’m afraid of being happy as I’m a virgin to the sensation of felicity. I’m scared of leaving behind the mass of imperial affliction that you used to fill the void inside of my heart with. Maybe, I’m just afraid that once I get rid of this ache the void will be reformed in the center of my heart again.
You know when you’re drowning, you hold your breath because you’re aware that if you let go the water will fill your lungs and it’ll stop hurting once and for all. Holding on is just agonizing the pain but you don’t wanna find peace instead you wanna prolong the suffering so that you have more time to be rescued. Just like that I’m drowning in your love and I know holding on is more painful than letting go but I’m just not ready to find peace.
Being in love with you is like watching all the four walls caving in but there’s no escape so I just stand here waiting to be crushed. I’m a masochist when it comes to your love. I’d rather breathe in the cancer ridden cigarette smoke of your existence and die as an addict to the malady that you are.
I wrote the above extract about a year ago when one of my friends was going through a hard breakup and refused to talk about it. I wrote this in order to show her that we all have suffered in love at least once. I assumed that knowing that she is not alone in this will make her feel better and it did. So I decided to post this today because I want you to know that no matter how much pain you feel at the moment, time does heal all wounds sooner or later. She healed, I healed and so shall you.
Picture credits: rutupic.pw
I’m unsure if it’s you or the pain that you put me through that I’m addicted to. After all, the melancholy residing inside my head and the tragically graceful scars carved on my skin have become my identity. What will remain of me if one day I decide to let go of you? Let go of the hurt, pain and suffering you put me through?
Maybe, I’m just afraid of change. Maybe, I’m afraid of being happy as I’m a virgin to the sensation of felicity. I’m scared of leaving behind the mass of imperial affliction that you used to fill the void inside of my heart with. Maybe, I’m just afraid that once I get rid of this ache the void will be reformed in the center of my heart again.
You know when you’re drowning, you hold your breath because you’re aware that if you let go the water will fill your lungs and it’ll stop hurting once and for all. Holding on is just agonizing the pain but you don’t wanna find peace instead you wanna prolong the suffering so that you have more time to be rescued. Just like that I’m drowning in your love and I know holding on is more painful than letting go but I’m just not ready to find peace.
Being in love with you is like watching all the four walls caving in but there’s no escape so I just stand here waiting to be crushed. I’m a masochist when it comes to your love. I’d rather breathe in the cancer ridden cigarette smoke of your existence and die as an addict to the malady that you are.
I wrote the above extract about a year ago when one of my friends was going through a hard breakup and refused to talk about it. I wrote this in order to show her that we all have suffered in love at least once. I assumed that knowing that she is not alone in this will make her feel better and it did. So I decided to post this today because I want you to know that no matter how much pain you feel at the moment, time does heal all wounds sooner or later. She healed, I healed and so shall you.
Picture credits: rutupic.pw
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